Keep It In Perspective

Things have been super stressful lately - I'm really busy at work, taking work home with me every night, and Conrad was REALLY fussy and sick this past week. It turns out our sweet baby had what is commonly known as "Hand, Foot, and Mouth" disease. A virus that is apparently common in babies but causes uncomfortable blisters in their mouth/throat, feet, and hands. Our little guy just wouldn't eat, was fussy, and seemed listless and tired. Sean took him to the doctor, and although there is no medication and he's already seeming better, at least we knew what was wrong. As most moms can probably agree, its HORRIBLE not knowing what is wrong with your little one.

I was thinking as I was driving home how stressed I was - with work, a sick child, money (we have a beautiful home but this area is EXPENSIVE to live in!), keeping the house clean, relationship stuff...you name it. Then as I was browsing Pinterest, I came across this:

Hello!!!! First world problems I have - a job I love that pays me well, a lovely little "small town" in the midst of crazy busy suburbs, a beautiful home (and our second home at that! we were fortunate that we bought our first house very young), and friends and family that love me. Plus, despite him being sick, I have these precious moments with this amazing little one:

So, I slapped myself and said "Wake up, Elizabeth!" And be thankful for what you have. Sure, money is tight, but freaking cut back on your Starbucks!!!!!!! Sure, your house is a mess, but hey, you'd rather spend time with your baby, and as mom always said "No one was ever killed by a dust bunny". Sure work is busy but YOU HAVE A JOB. As I said, first world problems.

So, I am now trying to be thankful every day for what I have and keep in perspective all my issues. And you know what? It's helped! I highly recommend it.

Daycare Woes

So, as many working mothers can I'm sure relate, going back to work and deciding on a daycare is the most difficult thing you can do. Some are fortunate to have family watch their little ones (like my sister!), some are able to afford in-home nannies (lucky!), and the rest of us have to do tons of research, interviews (although this is done with nannies too), and visits. Then there's the endless mind-games you play with yourself: is this the right fit? is he in the right environment? is he being well cared for and loved? Mom guilt goes on overload at this point.

We were fortunate to find an in-home daycare right on our street; Miss Farzaneh lives about 10 houses down from us and just happened to finish sitting for a family that moved away. Which meant that Conrad was the only baby and got her undivided attention! With his feeding issues, weird napping (aka, NO naps) schedule, and general fussiness, this was perfect. She is like another grandmother for him! He's completely spoiled because I'm sure all she did was hold him all day. However, now that he's older, this just does not fly. He constantly whines to be held at all times and freaks out when you put him down. We have a regular little prince on our hands!

While the undivided attention has been good, I'm starting to think that he'll need to be around other kids soon. And while she has lots of toys and interactive things for him, I'm always worried about whether or not he's being stimulated enough. She doesn't speak English very well (she's from Iran) and so I'm not sure how much learning there is going on. I know that at a year old, there's no big rush to "learn" anything crazy but it would be nice to know that they are reading books, singing songs, and other educational things once in  while.

There are a couple different daycares, both in home and not, that I've looked into. The issue is that they are more expensive (daycare in the DC Metro area is RIDICULOUSLY expensive) and not as convenient. And who knows if they'll actually be better?

Maybe I'll just quit my job and stay home. We'll be poor and have to live in a one bedroom shack, but I would be home with Conrad. What's a mom to do? I mean, who wouldn't want to be with this little guy all day?

My First Full Year of Motherhood: Lessons Learned

Throughout 2013 our family obviously was very busy with the new addition to our household! We started off the year celebrating and loving on our new little guy and then I went back to work in the beginning of February. Four months of being with Conrad 24/7 and then all of a sudden handing him over to someone else for 10 hours a day?! Rude awakening. As I've mentioned before, this is the worst part about being a working mom. But hey, the baby's gotta eat! Here's some things I wish I knew before but learned well in 2013:

1. I can survive on >6 hours of sleep per night OR sleep/wake/sleep/wake off and on for 8+ hours. The husband, however, tends to be a bit more grouchy when forced to do this. I realize there are reasons why women are moms as men can't handle the lack of sleep too well.

At least he got some sleep!

2. Breastfeeding is HARD. And you know what? If you end up not following through for the whole recommended year, it's OK. Your baby will survive. Just like those that breastfeed their child until they're 18 don't like to be judged, neither do moms who only do it for 3 months.

3. Anything you read in baby books you can find on the internet. I have about 5 different sleep method books and 3 different baby first year books and used none of them. And guess what?! Conrad slept through the night after 8 months without some sort of crazy rigid method. He eats well without some sort of crazy eat this first then that. Do what works for you and whats healthy for your baby.

4. Doctors don't always have the answers and YOU are your child's advocate. If you think something's wrong or not right, keep pushing on Momma!

5. Think your lifestyle was different than your single friends before? Hey, at least you could still join them for happy hour. Get ready to host wine night at your house instead and pray they don't mind toys all over the place and you wearing two-day old yoga clothes covered in spit up. Hey, at least you have wine.

6. Speaking of wine, it's my new best friend. Mama can always use more wine when she gets a lot of "whine" from the baby. HA, see what I did there?

Looks like C-Rad would like some wine too!

7. You will be judged for anything and everything you do. You learn not to care. 

8. If you don't believe in yourself, you'll drown in self-doubt and worry. But you know what? There are worse parents out there than you (read: Britney Spears? entire cast of 16 and pregnant?) so try your hardest to do right by your child and the rest doesn't matter - the matching clothes, perfect nursery, and right on target schedule are all meaningless as long as your baby is healthy and happy.

9. Schedule? What schedule?! Let go.

10. Don't compare yourself and your child to others. Do what works for you and your family; you'll drive yourself crazy trying to keep up with everyone else!

11. The dishes can wait. So can the laundry, vacuuming, and bed-making. Oh, and the baking, organizing, and polishing silver?! Forget about it. What can't wait are the moments your baby laughs, walks, and talks. What can't wait are the cuddles, book-reading, and block building. These are important.

12. I used to think I wanted to work up that corporate ladder right away - time was money. But now, time is time and you can't get it back. "I wish I had spent more hours in the office" - said no one ever.

13. Never underestimate the power of a good cry. Or muffled scream while hiding in your bathroom. Hey, whatever relieves your stress.

14. Take care of yourself! Don't be afraid to ask the husband, friend, neighbor, grandparent to watch the baby while you get a mani, go to the gym, drive to Starbucks and veg for an hour. You deserve it and shouldn't feel guilty.

15. Guilt! Oh the guilt! When your brain is telling you that you aren't doing enough, tell it to back the bus up and take a look at the beautiful child you carried for 9+ months and brought into the world. Did you feed him, clothe him, cuddle, kiss, and play with him today? It's enough.

16. Remember who your partner is when raising a child and learn to trust in them. Sean is an amazing father and I don't doubt his abilities for a second and appreciate all that he does and should probably thank him more as there are Dads out there that do absolutely nothing.

17. Take pictures, lots and lots of pictures! Every day if possible.

Oh, the outfits! Not enough days for them all...

18. Frozen foods, crock pot meals, and take out or delivery were the best things invented. EVER.

19. Now that Conrad is older, I try to make time in the morning before he wakes up to shower, do my hair, and makeup. After all, I'm still a real person and feel better when I'm put together (even if I'm overwhelmed on the inside, hey, at least I look great!) even if I'm at home by myself.

20. In order to do the above it's best to go to bed early. Sure, I'd love to stay up late and read or catch up on shows but at this point...who cares if Emily Thorne ever gets her Revenge on the Grayson family, she doesn't have a 14 month old to take care of.

21. If you don't have time to see friends and family as often as you'd like, still text and call or email them to keep up with their lives. Technology is great so take advantage of it!

22. There's always tomorrow. Or later today. If you didn't get it right at this moment, your child won't break or be scarred for life. 

23. It's ok to want to run away sometimes. You know you're not really going to do it so imagining you're on a tropical beach without the baby and hubby can be a nice vay-cay for the brain.

24. Even when your little one is screaming and crying or throwing a tantrum, cherish him, love him. Before you know it, he'll be out of the house and on his own. Take advantage of every moment

Looking Back...

Conrad Cayce was born on October 7, 2012 at 7pm via unscheduled c-section. He was 10 days early, the first three months were the hardest in my life,  I haven’t slept past 7 am in over a year, and I still don’t have my pre-baby body back yet but IT IS ALL WORTH IT!

My nephew, Brayden, was born the year before, on August 6, 2011. He was SO adorable, so sweet, and I was hooked.

My sweet nephew, Brayden Thomas

By the time I got pregnant in January of 2012, I was SO nervous that I wouldn’t love my own baby as much as I loved my nephew. Ha. Not even close. I love Conrad so much that now I’m worried to have a second child, in fear that I won’t love him or her as much as my sweet bug. This is now my excuse for waiting five years a couple years to have another; if it were up to Sean, we would already be pregnant again. Clearly he doesn’t remember those aforementioned horrible first three months with a newborn.

Conrad is no longer that screaming three month old but a happy, energetic, playful, smart, and loving eight month old. Each morning seeing his smile when I get him out of bed is the best way to start my day and cuddling him in his rocker before bed is the best way to spend the night. Sure, we still have our bad spots (for instance, when the teething monster is in town) but they are ALL WORTH IT! Seeing him develop each and every day makes this mom proud. I cherish each passing day and I’m excited for the future yet wish time would stop. Do all Moms feel this way?

I love this little man!

Perception V. Reality

There's a phrase that is thrown out that I've heard a lot of lately that I don't agree with: "Perception is Reality". That whatever you put out there is how people will read you. Sure, if you're meeting someone for the first time and you don't make a great impression (maybe you had a bad morning, have a headache, have a lot on your plate), people will judge you based on that initial meeting. Sure, we all put out there what we want people to see: the beautiful home, the great marriage, the perfect baby, the great style. Sure, we can act composed, put together, and "above it all" when we want to.

But if people actually believe our lives are like that all the time or judge us based on initial meetings, then I think that's their fault, not ours. So we've all heard the phrase "perception is reality" but how about "don't judge a book by it's cover"? Who knows what has led someone to act the way they do or respond to situations in a certain way? Here's another one: "put yourself in another person's shoes."

One of the most frustrating things about being a new mom is that people don't talk about the "real" stuff. The screaming for four hours straight at 2am stuff, the breast feeding is hard as shit stuff. The acid reflux, the ear infections, the mom guilt, the difficulty losing that last 5 (ok 15) pounds. The babies cost a fortune stuff! I sat back and thought, ok, women don't want to talk about that stuff for a reason. Why? Are we afraid it will make us seem weak, like not good moms?  Am I the only mother out there whose Christmas card experience was like this:

Perception Reality

If I meet a mom and her kid is screaming, her hair's a mess, she's forgotten her diaper bag, she's wearing last night's sweats with boob milk all over (wait, is this me?), am I going to judge her? No way. Same with the mom who has her hair perfectly coiffed, smashing outfit, and a week's worth of baby arsenal in her Gucci diaper bag (although I will ask, what's your secret, who's your nanny, and how did you invent the 36 hour day?). Not going to do it. Or at least, I'll try. Unless either one of them is a complete brat...then maybe I'll chalk it up to a bad day...or headache. Because who knows?! That could be me (no, not the one with the perfect hair, the one with the 2 day old outfit on). And I've realized its ok to not be perfect all the time. If people perceive me as not having my shit together, it may be true. But like most new moms out there, I'm trying my best to juggle a career, a house, a marriage, family, friends - and oh yeah, a baby. While somewhere in there throwing in a minute or two to myself.

This motherhood stuff is HARD and that I'm SURE I'm not the only one who thinks so!