Perception V. Reality

There's a phrase that is thrown out that I've heard a lot of lately that I don't agree with: "Perception is Reality". That whatever you put out there is how people will read you. Sure, if you're meeting someone for the first time and you don't make a great impression (maybe you had a bad morning, have a headache, have a lot on your plate), people will judge you based on that initial meeting. Sure, we all put out there what we want people to see: the beautiful home, the great marriage, the perfect baby, the great style. Sure, we can act composed, put together, and "above it all" when we want to.

But if people actually believe our lives are like that all the time or judge us based on initial meetings, then I think that's their fault, not ours. So we've all heard the phrase "perception is reality" but how about "don't judge a book by it's cover"? Who knows what has led someone to act the way they do or respond to situations in a certain way? Here's another one: "put yourself in another person's shoes."

One of the most frustrating things about being a new mom is that people don't talk about the "real" stuff. The screaming for four hours straight at 2am stuff, the breast feeding is hard as shit stuff. The acid reflux, the ear infections, the mom guilt, the difficulty losing that last 5 (ok 15) pounds. The babies cost a fortune stuff! I sat back and thought, ok, women don't want to talk about that stuff for a reason. Why? Are we afraid it will make us seem weak, like not good moms?  Am I the only mother out there whose Christmas card experience was like this:

Perception Reality

If I meet a mom and her kid is screaming, her hair's a mess, she's forgotten her diaper bag, she's wearing last night's sweats with boob milk all over (wait, is this me?), am I going to judge her? No way. Same with the mom who has her hair perfectly coiffed, smashing outfit, and a week's worth of baby arsenal in her Gucci diaper bag (although I will ask, what's your secret, who's your nanny, and how did you invent the 36 hour day?). Not going to do it. Or at least, I'll try. Unless either one of them is a complete brat...then maybe I'll chalk it up to a bad day...or headache. Because who knows?! That could be me (no, not the one with the perfect hair, the one with the 2 day old outfit on). And I've realized its ok to not be perfect all the time. If people perceive me as not having my shit together, it may be true. But like most new moms out there, I'm trying my best to juggle a career, a house, a marriage, family, friends - and oh yeah, a baby. While somewhere in there throwing in a minute or two to myself.

This motherhood stuff is HARD and that I'm SURE I'm not the only one who thinks so!

What NOT to say to a new mom...

Just like I wrote about in this post for pregnant ladies, there are several things you should not say to a new mom. In fact, I would highly recommend that if you have to stick to either that list of "no-no's" or this one, this one is the one to remember. I mean, come on: a majorly sleep-deprived woman who has not had time to eat, shower, or pee. On top of that,she's covered in spit up, still trying to lose that last 10 lbs, and is holding a screaming baby. Do you really want to test her?

Sorted in no particular order by category, the people that really irk a new mom:

1. Patronizer (is that a word? I'm making it a word). Again, same as with the pregnant lady: "Just you wait" or "You'll see". I'm sorry, but can you sound more patronizing? I totally get that your child's teething, first ear infection, etc. are horrible and their screaming is maddening, but I think I somewhat understand how it feels to have a screaming baby. I dealt with that for 15+ hours in a day for the first 6 weeks of Conrad's life. Please don't make it sound like I haven't got a clue.

2. Question One-Upper/passive competitor: Conrad really hasn't hit any major milestones yet so I myself haven't been privy to these. However, I've often heard moms ask other moms questions in what seems to be a way to then one up them. To me, this is worse than someone who is outright competitive (although those people are obnoxious as well).

Example:
           Mom A:  "Is Jack walking yet?" When Jack is clearly only crawling at this time.
           Mom B:  "No, but he's getting close"
           Mom A:  "Oh really? Well Aiden walked at 9 months!"

Seriously? That's nice, but can you be more obvious? It's so surprising how often I've heard this. It's not a competition folks!!! Just wait until little Jack can say his ABC's before your Aiden, then you'll be sorry you asked.

3. The Judger: About anything: "You're not breastfeeding??" I did for the first 8 weeks but due to Conrad's GERD I began pumping instead. "You didn't want to have him sleep in your bedroom, weren't you worried?" I chose NOT to have Conrad sleep with us at all. It was too much to jump out of bed at every movement and chirp. Natural childbirth vs. childbirth with medication (ie. epidural) Don't get me started on this - yes, I got an epidural after the first four hours and there's no way in hell I would have gone a full 18 hours in that kind of pain. I had nothing to prove to anyone.

4. The un-asked-for advice giver: plain and simple: if I didn't ask for it, I don't want it. My kid is not yours, all my experiences will be different from yours. I will ask if I need anything.

Basically, just smile, ask how old the baby is, and tell me he's cute. And if I call you crying and complaining that my child has not stopped screaming for three days straight, don't say "Just you wait until..." or "Really? I don't remember my kid doing that" Just say "you're doing a great job and you are a wonderful mother". That's all you need to do for now...until we get pregnant again. Then refer back to this list.

Happy 3 Months, Conrad!

I can't believe it but today is Conrad's 3 month birthday! This time has flown by and I'm so sad to go back to work next week. Just when he's getting a personality, smiling, laughing, and responding, I have to leave him. I'm definitely NOT looking forward to it.

Dear Conrad,

You continue to amaze Mommy and Daddy every day! The amount that you've grown not only physically but developmentally is simply breathtaking. Every day brings something new. We love your laugh, smile, and baby talk! You are quite the little man and can hold yourself up so well. You still love your vibrating seat and play mat. The swing is good for napping as well and we recently introduced you to your big boy Bumbo seat!

Unfortunately you were diagnosed with GERD...finally! Your Mom and Dad kept insisting to the pediatricians that this was the reason for your feeding issues, your constant crankiness, continual heavy spit-up, arched-back screaming, and tongue depression. These symptoms were NOT caused by improper breast feeding, colic, or a faulty frenulum (which, BTW, they insisted we have snipped!). It wasn't until we saw the nurse practitioner that she really took a look at him and LISTENED to us that she prescribed some acid reflux medication. This has definitely helped with your pain and discomfort. You now eat up to 6 oz in a feeding and weigh over 13 pounds! You are in the 50-75th percentile for your size. Mommy and Daddy's growing boy!

I'm so sad to leave you next week to go back to work as you are changing every day before our eyes. I love you to the moon and back and am so thankful you are mine. I am so excited to see what the next three months will bring! We love you!!

Mommy and Daddy

7 and 8 Week Catch Up!

This Mom has been negligent in posting Conrad's 7 and 8 week pictures as we've been very very busy! For Thanksgiving, we were away at both grandparent's homes from that Wednesday through Sunday and then this past weekend was Sean's 30th birthday so I was busy planning that party.

So here's Conrad's 7 and 8 week old pictures:

But in even bigger news, tomorrow is his 2 month birthday!!! So I'll have some updates for you then.

Thankful Thursdays

So, you may have guessed it, but this Thursday I'm thankful for this guy:

Despite the lack of sleep, showers, and adult interaction on a daily basis, I can't imagine my life without Mr. Conrad Cayce. When he smiles like this it makes my heart swell so big! I am so thankful for a relatively easy pregnancy, and despite its complications, a safe birth. I'm thankful for the doctors and nurses that brought him into the world and our family that supports us every day.

We love you Conrad! And because I couldn't resist, here's a couple more:

A Day in the Life of an 8 Week Old

If anyone talks about how their newborn baby is on a "regular schedule" they are either:

a.) lying/delusional
b.) genius - if so, please share your secrets and write a book about it (as if there aren't enough)

Yes, there are some things that are routine (i.e., feeding, sleeping, crying, awake time) but they are never on schedule. Ever. As in PLEASE don't try to set your watch by my child.

Yes, people kept saying "watch out, you'll never sleep again!" when referring to a nighttime schedule with the babe, but that actually isn't our problem - it's daytime sleeping! This kid is so unpredictable as to when he wants to feed, sleep, cry, or be awake that it is maddening. Sean and I love having a regular routine but that all goes out the window when you have a baby. At least for the first few months.

And then because he loves car rides and being out, that's a totally different day. For instance, today we went out to visit Daddy at work to have lunch and ran errands. We got home around 3:00 and he's still asleep in his car seat next to me!

If we are home all day it's different. Plus, with Sean's different shifts, who does what and when changes as well. Here's not a typical day but kind of what can happen for Conrad and me during our days. Sometimes.

6:45-7:00am: The day starts - although did it ever really end? He's calling for us (loudly wailing) from his crib. I direct Sean to the bottle of pumped milk and he feeds/diapers Conrad while I try to get some extra sleep. Hopefully Sean can get him to go back down to bed, otherwise Mommy must get up to entertain the little one so Daddy can go to work.

7:45-9:00am: In an ideal world he will have gone down for another nap so Mommy can get some shut eye and/or take a shower. If its Sean's late morning to the clinic then he takes him until 10am so Mommy can have coffee and breakfast too.

7:45-9:00am: It's not an ideal world and it's Sean's early morning at the clinic so I rock him, hold him, sing until he falls asleep in my arms. I slowly walk to the crib and put him down. Pray.

Falls asleep, I rush to pump. He wakes up.

Repeat.

9:00-10:00am: Decide we're up and at it for the day and there will be no such thing as naps. Another feeding and diaper change for the little one. Usually around this time he is more peaceful and happy so we play on the play mat, dance around the kitchen, sing songs on the changing table.

10:00-???? sometimes 12pm: Another feeding. Diaper change. Attempt to nap. He cries, I pick him up, sooth him, attempt to put him down again. He seems to be good at this game. He's clearly winning.

12:00pm: Little one says no nap! Go on a walk. He immediately falls asleep.

1:00pm: Home from walk. Leave him in his car seat to nap as he's super peaceful and cute - makes adorable faces while dreaming. He has me wrapped around his tiny fingers. Pump while I can and do normal people things like go to the bathroom and eat something.

1:45pm: He's up! This is another good time of day for him. Feeding, diaper change, play time on the changing table. He'll usually like his play mat at this time too. Sometimes his swing or vibrating chair while checking out the backyard through the windows. Mommy does more normal people things like empty the dishwasher, and laundry while he's entertained.

2:00pm-3:30pm: No longer entertained by himself. We sing and dance around the kitchen, read some books, he lays on my lap while I excercise his legs and generally make a fool of myself for his enjoyment - its worth it to see him smile.

3:30pm: Another feeding and diaper change. Attempt to put to nap. He cries. Try again. Repeat.

4:15pm: He's asleep! Normal people time! Answer emails, return phone calls, pump, figure out dinner.

5:15pm: He's awake! Baby time aka singing, dancing, shushing, diaper changes, etc. Hopefully Daddy's on his way home from work now if its his early day. If not, Mommy looks at the clock and wishes it was his early day.

6:30pm: Feeding, diaper change. He's calm so wrap him in the Moby wrap so I can eat and clean up. If Daddy's home now then he can take Conrad for a while. It's Sean's late day so no such luck. Walk around with him attached to me picking up stuff from the day, work on blog posts (such as this that I started 2 weeks ago), catch up with my sister on the phone.

7:30pm - 8:30pm: Fussy time! More singing and dancing around the kitchen, rock and hold him while I catch up on Real Housewives - hate them all because they have live-in nannies.

8:30: Daddy's home! Let him at least get something to eat before passing him off so I can get the bath and nighttime bottle ready.

9:00pm or so: Bathtime! He loves this, it's nice and warm, he gets to stare at himself in the mirror, and he smells good again (rather than like milk or spit up).

9:30-???: Feeding, diaper change, attempt to put to bed. We're working on getting him down and asleep by 10pm. "Working on" used loosely.

2:30-4:00am: at some point he'll call for us to eat and have a diaper change. Luckily he goes right back to sleep and then the day starts all over again!

Pretty crazy, right? However bad it eems, it is all worth it; I wouldn't trade these 12 weeks at home with him for the world and I would gladly stay at home with this schedule any day just to be with him. But now I must go as someone is calling (screaming) for me in their crib after a 15 minute nap.

C-Rad Firsts

Bath

Redskins Games:

Time in the vibrating chair:

Conrad's 1st Wedding:

Look at those Handsome Boys!

Meeting Extended Family:

  

 Great Grandparents!

Four generations of the Jones

Conrad has had lots of firsts and we look forward to many more!!!